


It's Always Been Me and You

by ninaloveshiddles



Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Big Brother Dean, Birthday Blowjob, Blow Jobs, Brief Underage, Brother Feels, Brotherly Love, Comfort/Angst, Consensual underage, Eventual Smut, Feels, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff, Fucking, Jealous Dean, Jealous Sam, Little Brother Sam, M/M, Making Love, Nightmares, Pre-Canon, Protective Dean, Shower Blow Job, Wincest - Freeform, mild violence, shower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-04-01 16:02:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4026133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninaloveshiddles/pseuds/ninaloveshiddles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look at the evolution of Sam and Dean's relationship. It spans from the day Dean carried his brother out of a burning house, to about three months after Sam joins the hunting business again (after leaving Stanford for good). Eventual smut as the brothers get older and have trouble controlling their confusing feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoy this fic :) It's 11 chapters so hang in there!

Life as a hunter’s kid was never easy.  Holidays usually consisted of Sam and Dean watching a crappy movie in a shitty motel room; wondering when their Dad was going to get back home.  And school? They’d be lucky if they stayed at the same school for more than a month.  Dean had fought his first monster before his first kiss.  Sam’s life had been in danger more times before he turned ten then most people experience their whole lives.  Both Sam and Dean knew their lives weren’t normal, they had grown to accept it.  In fact, they seemed to thrive given the circumstances.  They looked to each other for support and comfort.  Dean was Sam’s protector, and Sam was the puppy-eyed boy that thought his big brother was an honest to God superhero.  They needed and depended on each other for sanity, comfort, and understanding. 

                That’s not to say they didn’t have their fights. They bickered almost every day and physical fights were common, if not expected.  Dean viewed it as training Sam to defend himself.  But at the end of the day, both knew the other had his back.  Dean could never explain why he was so protective of Sam.  He cooked for him, cared for him, even walked him to the bus stop or to school till Sam was fifteen. What could he say? You never know when a wendigo might attack.  “Do you really want a ghost to possess you Sammy?” Dean would ask.  Sam would roll his eyes and glare before eventually huffing out “no.”  Dean wanted Sam to have as much a childhood as possible, something he never got.  As he got older he would sometimes cut his dates short just so he could get back to the motel and check on his brother.

                It wasn’t normal, but this was their life. It had been this way since Dean was about five years old.  Dean had few memories from his early childhood; not many, but enough to realize it was better than the life he had been thrown into.  But the most vivid memory would have to be of that night; the night his whole life changed.  He remembered his mom singing “Hey Jude” to him as he fought to keep his eyes open, but sleep eventually claimed his small body.  The next thing he remembered was the haze of smoke, the stench of burning flesh, and his mom.  He didn’t like to think about what he saw.  He could remember his father shoving a tiny crying bundle in his arms.  He ran out of the house, faster than his small feet had ever carried him.  He watched as his house became a torch in the pitch black night.  He looked down at the bundle, and locked his green eyes with hazel.  He had always loved his brother, but something about this moment.  His arms instinctively gripped the baby closer, and his body began to rock.  In that moment he knew; he needed to protect his brother.  Dean’s eyes filled with tears, overcome by his surroundings.  His dad, his mom, his screaming brother, the blazing house.  It was too much for a four year old to handle.  And yet he found the words to whisper through his tears and sobs, “Shhh, Sammy. It’s ok. Big brother Dean has you.”

                Dean and Sam became inseparable, mostly because they were forced to be.  Their dad would often be away fighting or hunting something.  Sometimes they would be watched by a random sitter, sometimes a grumpy old guy named Bobby.  But Dean couldn’t complain.  He liked Bobby the best, and he actually played with Dean and Sam.  Eventually it got to the point where it would just be Sam and Dean though.  Dean had to grow up faster than any kid should, but he never showed his anger to Sam. He couldn’t.  He was there for every landmark of his brother’s development.  First words, first solid food, first steps. Sam’s first words weren’t even ‘dada’ like most kids. It was ‘deedee.’ Dean always liked that Sam’s first attempt at speech was a call for him.  Many of these were only seen by Dean, since their Dad was often too busy to be around.

                By the time he was eight, Dean knew how to use the stove, oven, and microwave.  Sam was four at that time, and knew how to be the pickiest eater in the universe.  Their Dad would always get frustrated and leave the table, convinced that Sam wasn’t going to eat.  Dean, however, could always get Sam to eat.  In fact, Sam was more likely to eat a weird meal that Dean made for him than a normal nutritious meal that their father had prepared.  It used to make Dean smile, knowing that he was just as special to his brother as Sam was to him.

                When Sam was about ten, he went through a phase where he would wake up from nightmares every night. He would wake up in the middle of the night thrashing and screaming. Dean would bolt upright in his twin motel bed. His hand would always fly to the lamp so to shed some light on his brother.  Sam would look up at him, tears threatening in his puppy dog eyes. His hair would be all tussled from rolling around, his cheeks flushed. Dean was torn between hating how scared his brother was, but loving how innocent and adorable he could be. Dean would always start off asking him what it was this time. Sam would answer wendigoes, or vampires, usually clowns though. Dean really couldn't figure out this kid’s deal with clowns. It's not like they could fall from the sky and kill you on impact: like airplanes. But Dean would always listen to Sam and talk him through it. He didn't dare make fun of him, at least not until the next morning. Usually then Sam would hold his brother's hand across the space between the motel beds until he fell asleep. Dean didn't really mind, to be honest, he found it rather comforting. Sam's hand was always warm; Dean loved how his hand could fit almost completely over Sam's. He felt in control, blocking his brother out from the horrors of the world.

 There was one particular night that seemed much like any other. They had eaten some microwave dinners, watched some TV, Dean told Sam to go take a bath (which he protested for about 30 minutes before finally obeying), and then he tucked him in bed. At about three in the morning Dean was woken up by the most blood curdling scream he had ever heard, about a thousand times worse than a banshee. He heard his name called out in the most terrified voice.

"Dean! Deeeaaaan!!! No!!!!" Dean knocked over the lamp trying to reach the light, what if this was no dream? He fumbled in the dark until he found Sam rolling in his bed.

"Sammy! Sam it's me, please stop crying!" He wrapped his arms around his brother until the screaming stopped and was replaced by sobs. Dean could feel the wet tears seep through his shirt onto his cold chilled skin. "Shhh Sammy, calm down." Dean began to rock Sam's upper body in his arms. "What happened?"

  "D-Dean!" Sam tried to manage between sobs "don't...kill...please...no!"

"Sammy you have to calm down, take a few breaths ok?" Dean could feel Sam's head nod into his chest as his little brother obeyed. His breathing soon became normal, a slight sniffle or whimper escaping every once in a while.

 "Good, good Sam" Dean absently stroked Sam's hair, his fingers feeling the soft silky texture. Normally both boys would shy away from such obvious affection, but this seemed like an exception. "You ready to tell me?"

 "Yes" he replied, voice barely a whisper. “I-I dreamed that I was a freak, but like a monster freak. I was so scared and couldn’t understand. I tried to tell everyone, I’m not a monster, but no one wanted to believe me.  Then Dad came home and saw me.  He told you that you would have to kill me since I was a monster. S-So you took the gun- and” Sam let out an unintentional sob, getting worked up all over again. “And then I woke up,” Sam whispered.  Dean was quiet for a moment, registering what his brother had said.

 “Sam, how could you-“ Dean paused, his voice cracked a bit “How could you ever think that I would do such a thing?”  Sam shrugged his shoulders, silent tears still streaming down his cheeks.  Dean took his brothers face in his hands, barely able to make out his features in the darkness. “Sammy, I would never hurt you, ok? I would make sure I could save you; you will never be a monster on my watch.” Sam nodded and lunged to give his brother a hug. Dean hugged him back, knowing that he should just let this chick flick moment slide.

“D-Dean?” Sam whispered into his brother’s neck.

 “Yeah, Sam?”  Dean answered. 

“Can I sleep with you tonight?”  Dean was silent for a few moments, contemplating his answer.

“Fine” he huffed, “but only for tonight.”  Sam smiled and leapt off his bed and fell into Dean’s.  Dean couldn’t really stay annoyed with Sam.  He knew the kid was scared; and as he slipped into the bed next to his brother, he found he liked the warmth of another body. It felt safe and comforting.  Every once in a while Sam would have the same dream, and the brothers would go through the same process.  Dean wouldn’t even get up out of bed any more. He would yell Sam’s name till his brother woke up, and then roll over to make room in the bed.  He would then feel his brother nuzzle his head into his back, trying to block out the scary world.  He always knew the smell of hotel shampoo would waft up and greet his nose. He actually rather liked it.  Sam enjoyed sleeping with his big brother, because midway through the night, Dean would roll over and capture his small frame in his arms.  They would always wake up clutching each other, but they never talked about it.  They both knew it was them against the world, and they needed to be there for each other.


	2. An Uncomfortable Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's first boner.

Sam had always looked up to Dean.  He thought his brother was the coolest person to ever walk the earth.  He was tough, bad ass, funny, and a Casanova. Sam truly idolized him.  When Dean got his first kiss, Sam stared at his brother starry eyed, clinging on to every word of his brother’s story.  Sam couldn’t wait for the day where he was as smooth with the ladies as his brother.  As Sam got older, he felt more and more awkward about talking to Dean about these things though.  Mostly because he wasn’t sure if he felt about girls the same way his brother did.

                The first boner Sam ever got had nothing to do with a female.  It happened when he was just sitting next to his brother on the couch. That was awkward conversation for an eleven and fifteen year-old. 

“Dean?” Sam spoke softly, barely audible. Dean answered, not really paying attention, his eyes still focused on the TV screen.

“What’s up, Sam?” he muttered.  Sam shifted uncomfortably, not sure how to word this.

“Um, there-there’s something wrong down there, and I feel funny.”

Dean turned his head to look at his brother, “Sammy, what the hell are you-“when he saw Sam’s jeans he burst out laughing.

“Dean!” Sam yelled. His blush growing deeper. His voice was cracking with his anger, “Why do you have to be such a jerk all the time!?”  He got up off the couch but Dean grabbed his wrist before he could walk away.  Sam felt a tingle on his skin, but he chalked it up to anger and irritation.

“Don’t be such a little bitch, Sam. It’s nothing.” Sam just glared at him, and Dean took a deep breath and groaned.

“Oh Jesus, Sam. Fine. It’s called a fucking boner.  They are normal, you’ll be gettin’ them for the rest of your life.”  Dean didn’t want to be having this talk with his brother, but he knew his Dad sure wouldn’t. “And at this age it’ll be going up for no reason, ok? So don’t worry about that.  In fact, I’m surprised you haven’t gotten one already.”  Sam simply nodded, embarrassed but definitely relieved.

“I guess we will have to have more talks like this in the future” Dean muttered, realizing that Sam wasn’t going to stay a small boy forever. 


	3. I Still Need My Big Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean having a steady girlfriend introduces knew problems, with almost devastating consequences.

Sam had gotten used to the fact that Dean would constantly be out with girls. He learned to expect to be alone for a few hours every Friday night. But he couldn’t complain; Dean always came back, and usually with some tasty food he had picked up. But around the time Dean was sixteen, something changed. He didn’t come home one night. Sam was twelve and was obviously completely capable of staying home alone, but he didn’t want to.

He looked at the clock, _1:30 am_. What the hell could Dean be doing? He knew Dean had a date with another girl like always, but he never took this long. It was usually dinner at some cheeseburger place, followed by a movie, and then back home to Sam. What if Dean had been hurt? Had a monster attacked him on his way home? Sam paced back and forth, his heart beating faster, unsure of what to do. He could call Bobby or his dad? But what if Dean wasn’t in danger at all? Then he would get in so much trouble for not being home to watch Sam.

Sam sat on the motel bed flipping through channels, trying to find something to take his mind off the current situation. He looked over at the clock, _3:00 am_. Suddenly the telephone rang, causing Sam to jump nearly a foot off of his bed. His hand flew to the phone, he could hear his heartbeat in his ears, hoping it wasn’t bad news.

“Hello” he asked hesitantly, his voice cautious.

“Yo, Sammy” Dean whispered into the phone, his voice husky.

“Dean! Where are you!?”

“Look Sam,” Dean continued, still whispering, “I uh-won’t be home until the morning. Everything’s fine, I’m just, a bit preoccupied.”

“Why are you whispering?” Sam asked. Thoughts of Dean hiding from a vampire or trying to sneak up on a witch flooded through his mind. Dean had never been on a hunt alone.

“No reason” Dean replied, obviously lying.

“Dean, I know when you’re lying.” Even at twelve Sam had been observant, able to pick up when people (or monsters) were hiding something.

“Look Sam, I promise I’ll explain later okay? I’m not in any danger though.”

Sam believed Dean this time, but he still felt weird about the situation. Something was off, but he decided there was no use in worrying about it. “Whatever Dean, long as you’re alive I guess.”

“Night Sam” Dean said, voice a bit more tender than before, his tone earnest.

“Yeah, night.” He hung up the phone, looking around the motel room. It felt empty. None of them ever truly felt like a home, but with Dean there it always felt safe. It felt that he was meant to be there. Right now, he felt like he didn’t belong there, like an intruder, something out of place. He sighed and turned off the light before crawling under the covers. He frowned to himself; he didn’t have nightmares anymore, but he liked the idea of Dean being in the next bed just in case. He felt vulnerable and exposed. Like a small child, he grabbed the covers and put them over his head, trying to block out the world. Alone.

The door opened at 8:30 the next morning, and Sam rolled over to see Dean sneaking through the door. He groaned at being woken up, his head still dizzy with sleep. “Dean?” he called out as his voice cracked. He felt gross and groggy; he hadn’t slept well at all.

“Woah Sammy, rough night?” Dean asked, surveying the dark circles under Sam’s eyes and tufts of hair flying in all different directions.

“Shut up” Sam spat, cranky from lack of sleep. “Where were you?”

Dean blushed slightly before a grin broke out over his face. “Well Sammy, let’s just say that your big brother is now a man.”

Sam stared blankly at him, waiting for a better explanation. “What, you have a bar mitzvah or something?” he asked sarcastically.

“Nothing you say can bring my mood down” Dean grinned even wider.

“Fine, I’m happy for you? Dean, I don’t understand what you’re getting at.”

“Sam, I spent the night with someone. A girl” he added with an eyebrow waggle.

Sam’s cheeks burned, realizing what Dean was getting at. Dean was the one who had to have ‘the talk’ with him, and he knew apparently this was a big deal. He felt happy for his big brother, even though he was still pissed at being left alone all night.

Sam gave Dean a genuine smile though, “That’s awesome Dean” Sam congratulated.

“Yep, I say that little lady will be walking funny for about a week.” Dean said with a smirk.

“Yeah that’s too much, I don’t really wanna hear all that,” Sam quickly stated. He was only twelve after all.

“Yeah, yeah good point Sam” Dean commented, suddenly a bit embarrassed. He got very serious and studied Sam, “Are you okay, did anything happen? No monsters?”

Sam knew this was his chance to tell Dean that he didn’t like being alone. To tell him that he was still pissed. But he didn’t want to appear weak in front of his big brother. So instead he lied, “Nope, completely boring. Just watched TV and hung around.”

Dean beamed, happy that the younger Winchester was okay. “Well, I’m gonna take a much needed shower,” he said with a wink.

Sam gave a forced smile before falling back on his bed. He closed his eyes, hoping to get ten more minutes of sleep. He was still on edge, and his head pounded. He had completely lied to Dean; last night was not okay. His nightmares had returned, and they were worse than ever.

 

“Dean? Where are you? Come on man, you promised you’d teach me those new fight moves. And you forgot to leave me money for food. Just call me back, okay?” Sam hung up the motel phone before flopping on the bed in irritation. This had been happening for the last three weeks; ever since Dean slept with that girl. He tried to be happy for Dean, but he missed his big brother. Dean seemed to always be with her, and Sam didn’t like it. He still felt like he needed his brother, and he really didn’t like Dean’s new girlfriend. She wasn’t outwardly nice to Sam, and he thought she was kind of a tramp who used Dean.  The sound of the motel door opening brought the younger Winchester back to the present.

“Dean?” Sam called out, hopeful.

“Oh hey Sam, I’m not staying long, I just gotta get a change of clothes.”

“Wait, what?!”

“Yeah I’m hanging out with Holly.” Sam groaned loudly, not caring to hide his annoyance.

“Of course you are, Dean.”

Dean paused and walked over to the motel bed. “Okay Sam, what are you whining about now?”

Sam felt hurt, “Dean, you never hang out with me anymore, you’re always with her.”

“What? Sam that’s bullshit, no I’m not.”

“Oh shut it Dean! When’s the last time you spent a full day with me?”

Dean rolled his eyes and was about to give a sarcastic comment, until he paused. He realized he couldn’t remember. In fact, he couldn’t even remember the last time he cooked for his brother.

“That’s what I thought” Sam said bitterly, glaring at the older Winchester.

“Oh come on Sam, we aren’t kids anymore. I’ve got a girlfriend, and you, well-“

“Dean, you always said it was us against the world. You’re the only one I trust! And Dad told us to stay together!” This was true, their Dad had been home for about a week, and constantly reiterated that the boys should stay close.

“Oh grow up Sammy!” Dean shouted, getting angry. “I’ve been looking after you for years, I think I deserve a little time away from you.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth Dean regretted it. He hadn’t meant that. He loved Sam with everything he had. It was nice to get away from his life sometimes, not Sam. He looked over to Sam, and knew the effects of his words.

Sam’s hazel eyes were full of tears threatening to fall. But Sam refused to let one escape. His lip trembled, quivering with rage and hurt.

“Shit, Sam I-“

“Get out!” Sam screamed, his voice shaking. “Please, just go,” he whispered.

“Sam”

“Go away! I hate you!” Sam shouted.

Dean felt his blood boil, and his lips curled into a snarl. “Fine!” he shouted. He stormed out of the room before slamming the door shut, leaving Sam in complete silence. And the tears broke forth; Sam couldn’t hold them back any longer. He stayed on the motel bed for what seemed like hours, not making a sound, unable to think. He felt alone, lost. Sam laid down, deciding there was nothing left to do but sleep.

As he tried to close his eyes, he heard something rustle outside the window. His eyes shot open, and his skin crawled. This was his hunter instinct. He was only twelve, but his father and Dean had trained him well. He crept off of the bed, crouching over in the darkness. He peeked through the window, but all he saw was a few bushes and a sparsely populated motel parking lot. Suddenly, something rushed by the window again, causing Sam to jump back.

“What the hell?” he gasped to himself. The moon light shown down, revealing a figure rushing back and forth by the window, stalking him inside. Sam stood frozen in his place, his body trembling. He tried to think of what to do. First he had to identify what the hell this thing was. As if on cue, the creature leapt and banged against the window, clawing trying to get at the young hunter. Sam jumped away from the window, tripping over the kitchen chair. “Oh shit, oh shit, it’s a werewolf! That’s a freaking werewolf!” He scrambled under Dean’s bed, trying to find his stash of weapons. He pawed through the guns, and knives, and potions, and why the hell did they have so much junk!? He heard the window break and the glass shatter all across the floor. Then he heard the growl of the werewolf, she was menacing and evil looking. Her eyes seemed to glow with pure rage and hunger.

“Silver, silver, where the hell is the silver?!” Before Sam could find the gun with silver bullets, the werewolf leapt on the bed, growling in Sam’s face. Sam screamed before rolling under the bed, the monster lunged off, and began to try to crawl under it after him. Sam managed to hit the werewolf square in the face with his foot, stunning her momentarily. He rolled back out, quickly grabbing the weapon bag before running to the kitchen table. He quickly turned the table over as a barricade while the werewolf struggled to get out from under the bed. He hid behind it, quickly pawing through the bag once again. Yes! He found the gun, but only one bullet left. He had only one shot. He quickly thought about Dean’s shooting advice. Use both hands, relax, and trust that you wouldn’t miss. Sam grabbed the gun in both hands, before feeling an extreme burning agony in his shoulder. The werewolf had snuck up and clawed Sam’s shoulder. He could feel the blood gush down his arm, and he had to bite his lip to keep from crying. “Eat silver you stupid bitch!” he spat through gritted teeth. He shot the gun just as the creature pounced on him. He hit her square in the chest, the silver bullet hitting her directly in the heart. She fell on him, dead. Sam breathed a sigh of relief before feeling lightheaded. He was losing a lot of blood, and he was too weak to lift the monster off of himself. He tried to roll away, but his vision was blurry and he couldn’t think.

He felt himself slip from consciousness, his world going black, “Dean” he mumbled, a desperate attempt to be saved.

 

Dean drove quickly, rushing back to the motel. He couldn’t focus on Holly, not tonight, not the way he had left things with Sam. He knew he hadn’t been the best big brother lately, and he needed to tell Sam that he was sorry, but he needed his own time every once in a while. He pulled up to the parking lot, and instantly felt on edge. Something was terribly wrong. “Fuck, Sammy!” he cried. He ran towards the room and was horrified to see the window completely destroyed. “Sam!” Dean yelled again. He busted in the door, injuring his shoulder, but he hardly felt it. He entered the room, hand on the knife he always carried. He nearly screamed when he saw the werewolf on Sam’s body.

 “Oh no. No no no no no!” He fell to his knees, using all of his strength to lift her off of his brother. He noticed the gunshot wound, and he was instantly relieved to see that Sam ganked her. He grabbed his brother in his arms, getting blood all on his shirt. “Sammy, please” Dean whispered. His brother moved his face slightly, rolling into his brother’s chest. “Oh thank God!” Dean praised. He quickly dressed Sam’s gaping wound. Stiches were necessary, so Dean had to use needle and thread, like his Dad taught him. He quickly applied some balm and alcohol to clean it. Sam barely moved throughout the whole ordeal, even as Dean carried him in his arms and laid him on the bed. Dean sat on the bed next to Sam’s unmoving body. “I swear, if anyone is up there listening…please let him be okay. I’ll never leave him again, I promise I’ll protect him forever. Please, just let him be okay!” Dean was choking back sobs. He looked back at his little brother, and he released his tears, falling on the younger Winchester. He cried into Sam’s hair, begging for his brother to wake up.

“Dean?” came a small voice. Dean’s eyes shot open and he grabbed Sam’s face between his hands.

“Sammy?! Oh thank God, Sammy talk to me!”

“Don’t leave me” Sam asked weakly, barely able to open his eyes.

“Never, never again. I promise.”

Sam gave an almost undetectable smile. “Dean?”

“Yeah, sweetie?” Dean blinked after he said it. What the hell? He never used pet names, especially not with his baby brother. Thankfully, Sam didn’t seem to notice.

“Sleep with me?”

“Of course.”

Sam nodded before dropping his head into the pillow, blacking out for the night. Dean sighed, full of a million different emotions. But the biggest one was relief. Relief that he would get to be with Sam. Relief that his brother was going to make it. Without Sam, Dean would be alone, and he knew he couldn’t do it by himself. He needed Sam, and Sam clearly needed him. They were codependent; completely, utterly, and insanely codependent.

Dean broke up with Holly the next day. He and Sam never spoke about it again. And Dean never went out with a girl more than three times.


	4. Heat of the Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam starts to see Dean in a different way. A VERY different way.

Sam had learned to jerk himself off, but he mostly did it to get rid of his erection.  Sure, it felt good, but he never felt the explicitly sexual pleasure that he had heard other people talk about.  Well, not until one night when he was fourteen.  By this time Dean was a junior in higschool, and probably the coolest person Sam could have ever imagined.  He was tall, muscular.  He always wore a leather jacket and a mischievous smirk. And of course he wore the amulet Sam gave him; he never took it off. Sam was always drawn to his brother, but something felt different now.  He found himself staring a little too long into Dean’s green eyes, focusing a little too much on his pink lips.

 One day Sam came back to the motel early. It was early release at the school, but Dean didn’t know because he had played hooky that day.  Sam walked in through the door, noting that the TV was blasting.  He rolled his eyes; both of them knew not to leave things on too loud because it prevents you from hearing supernatural creatures.  Sam had every intention of scaring the shit out of his brother, but he caught a glimpse of something through the lattice work.  From the door he could peer through the divider, relatively hidden, and see Dean on the bed.  Sam’s eyes widened and he had to clasp his hand over his gaping mouth to conceal his gasp.  There was his big brother, on the bed, watching what Sam now realized was an “adult” movie.  And Dean; Dean was touching himself.  His shirt was raised over his stomach, revealing a tracing of developing abs.  They weren’t extremely defined, but they were there.  His skin was so smooth and tight.  His jeans were pulled down just below his ass, his hand grabbing at something Sam had never seen.  Dean’s cock was erect, and huge.  Pre cum glistened from the head as Dean’s thumb swiped over it.  He watched his brother handle the large member, pumping and twisting.  Dean’s hips bucked up slightly off the bed, a small moan escaped his lips.  Sam felt his cock twitch to life in his jeans.  This was wrong, he should leave. But Sam couldn’t move, his eyes were glued to the erotic display before him.

Dean’s eyes were pinched tight, his face scrunched up in pleasure.  His breathing was audible even over the blaring TV.  He bit his plump pink lips as he threw his head back, reveling in his hand’s abilities.  Sam let out a small moan, almost a squeak, which completely surprised him.  He found his hands palming at his erection through his jeans.  _Holy fuck!_ Sam thought to himself.  He was getting hard from his brother.  He knew it! All these years of erections around his brother, passing it off as random hormones kicking in at random times.  It was all because of Dean.  Sam wanted to watch Dean cum, he wanted to stay and hear his moaning, but he knew he was bound to get caught if he stayed any longer.  He silently slipped out the door and ran to room next to them.  He knew it was vacant and picked the lock.  He ran in and stripped, hopping in the shower, trying to cool himself down.  But even the cold water couldn’t get rid of his erection.  He took himself in hand and pumped, replaying Dean’s face over and over in his mind.  Remembering the way his hips bucked and his biceps flexed.  Sam came quickly, drawing out a long uninhibited moan. A truly sexual, erotic, pleasured moan.

Sam stayed in the motel room for a few more minutes after he had dried off. He took deep breaths trying to calm down and regain his composure. He left the room and walked over to his door, listening carefully to make sure the TV wasn't still blaring. He knocked a few times to let Dean know he was coming in. As he entered everything seemed normal.  Dean was sitting at the kitchen table completely clothed, just eating some pie. His face wasn't flushed, his breathing was calm. Sam was envious, for just being in the same room as his brother sent a blush racing up his neck into his cheeks.  "Hey Sammy" Dean greeted, mouth full of pie. Sam just kind of nodded, losing his words. "You're home early" Dean stated.

 "Yeah, yup, early release, that's why I'm home." Dean looked at his brother suspiciously.

 "Sam, is everything ok?" Oh shit, oh shit, think of something! He knows, he knows!

 "Clown!" Sam practically snapped. "There was a clown, on the way home. It was scary?" Sam wasn't even believing his own lie at this point. He felt dizzy from all of the emotion he felt. Luckily Dean didn't notice and actually busted out laughing.

"Christ Sammy!" Dean managed between howls, "you are such a little bitch. Dude, it's a fucking clown. What's it gonna do, suffocate you with a pie to the face?" Sam flinched; that was a recurring nightmare of his when he was younger. "What a way to go" Dean said to himself as he took another bite of pie.

"Yeah, well, I'm gonna lay down."

As Sam flopped down on the motel bed he heard Dean call "by the way, I think someone is finally staying in the room next to us. I heard the shower going about ten minutes ago." Sam could only bury his face into his pillow and groan. Hopefully Dean wouldn't figure out it was empty yet again.


	5. The Trouble With Girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam needs some advice from Dean.

As Sam began to age he thought about sex more and more. After all, he was a hormone filled teenage boy! He remembered specifically when Dean had lost his virginity. His brother seemed to stand a little taller, smile with a bit more confidence. Sam used to be in awe of his brother, every time his brother got laid he heard about it, and thought Dean was the ultimate ladies’ man. But after that day, the day he jerked off in a random motel shower to the idea of his brother, he found himself annoyed with Dean. Every time Dean went out with a girl, Sam found himself irritable. And not the way he did with Holly. Holly took away his and Dean’s brother time. But these new girls? It was different; sure Dean kept his three dates rule, and he never spent a full night, but Sam was still annoyed. He thought it may be because Dean was having more fun than him. Maybe he was jealous about the intimacy that Dean got to experience. Sam was fifteen, closing in on sixteen and had never even kissed a girl, let alone "fucked" one. He would often think back to how it felt when he pleasured himself, especially the few times when he let himself think about Dean. Dean always said the real thing was a thousand times better. Maybe Sam was just horny. Maybe if he actually tried to talk to a girl he'd get a bit farther. Well, maybe he should figure out how to do that without failing miserably and looking like an idiot. One night Sam decided he should ask "the master". They were laying in their motel beds, tired from the day but too antsy to fall asleep quickly. Their dad was on a really tough rougarou case, and they were a bit on edge. "Dean?" Sam questioned in the dark.

"What's up Sam?" Dean muttered into his pillow. The younger brother could already feel the blush that was beginning to creep in his cheeks.

"I wanna ask you...about, um, girls?" The blush was traveling down his neck now.

"Oh god Sam we're not gonna need to have 'the talk' again are we?" Dean teased him.

"No, no, not like that" shit was it getting hot in here?

"I'm just fucking with ya bitch"

"Jerk" Sam muttered. Dean didn't say anything so Sam continued, "How do you get girls to like you. I mean like, go on dates and stuff"

Dean froze a bit, he should have seen this coming. Sam was a teenager for Christ's sake, he should have been asking questions like this ages ago. But it was weird, he couldn’t imagine his little brother with anybody, he almost felt protective.  He shrugged it off and tried to play it cool; he knew Sam looked up to him, and he didn’t want to break his illusion as a growing Casanova.

“Wow, Sammy” Dean began gruffly, “is there a certain girl you’re thinking about?”

“Ummm. Yeah, I guess” Sam lied.  Sure there were pretty girls in all of his classes, some of which seemed pretty nice; but none that he found himself extremely interested in.

“Well uh, you know” Shit now Dean was turning red, and he was thankful for the darkness. “Like what do you need to have…clarified?” Why was this so awkward? Guys should be able to talk about hot chicks right?

“Like, how would you ask one out?” Sam answered, assuming that would be a good question.  If he wanted to get to know a girl, he should probably figure out how to ask her out.

“Who is it?” Dean asked, a little too anxiously.

Shit. Sam had to think of someone quickly. “Erica Johnson” he blurted.  “She’s in my math class. She’s kind of shy but nice.”

“She hot?”

Sam hadn’t actually thought about it. He only picked her because they had had a few conversations.  She had long black hair and olive skin.  She was thin and wore nice makeup. That’s what makes girls hot, right? He could see her as being attractive.

“Oh yeah” Sam insisted with more emotion than he actually felt.

“Well Sammy,” Dean began, older brother wisdom taking over, “you gotta talk to her, make her feel that you actually give a crap about what she thinks or has to say. Pretend to be interested in her boring hobbies or her views on celebrities. But you should also act like you’re doing her a favor you know? Just keep a cool air about you, don’t let her know how badly you want in those panties.”

Sam furrowed his eyebrows, he could certainly do the whole listening thing. But being cool? Dean was the coolest person he knew; no one could be as cool as Dean.

”Thanks Dean.” Sam said before he rolled over to face the wall.

“No problem, Sam, it’s what I do” he said a grin at his lips. As the room fell silent Dean couldn’t keep his smile, a tight burning sensation began to form in the pit of his stomach. He had never thought of Sam with anybody, but obviously it was bound to happen. What he couldn’t figure out is why it bothered him so badly.


	6. More Than a Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is about to go on his first date, but the brother's seem more focused on each other.

About a week passed after their last conversation. Sam had finally built up the courage to even talk to Erica, but it went okay. He listened to what she had to say, and some of it was actually interesting. She was a nice girl and Sam didn’t mind being around her. He finally built up the courage to ask her out to go see a movie, and to his surprise she agreed, rather excitedly. He walked to the motel a bit taller, proud of himself, and eager to tell his brother. He opened the motel door, finding Dean sitting at the kitchen table, eating a piece of left over pie from last night.

“I did it Dean, I asked her!” Sam exclaimed. Dean looked up, from his pie, eyes wide.

“Alright Sammy!” he praised, seeing his little brother grin at him.

“Thanks for, you know-“

“Don’t worry bout it Sam, it’s just what I do.” He responds with a smirk. Sam smiled back and walked away to lay down on the motel bed. As soon as Sam was gone, Dean’s smile faded, replaced by a pensive frown. He felt funny again, and a sinking feeling developed in the pit of his stomach. Was he just upset that his baby brother was growing up? Maybe he was worried about not being the most important thing to Sam anymore. Or maybe he hated the idea of someone being romantic with Sam. He quickly pushed the last thought away, too afraid to explore it further. He stole a glance at Sam, studying his brother. He wasn’t a little kid anymore.

He was getting tall, nearly catching up to Dean. He had strong arms and his shoulders were becoming broader. He had a smile accentuated by dimples, and hazel eyes that just stared into your soul. Dean shook his head, realizing that he was now staring. Sure, Sam was a good looking kid. Whatever.

Later that night, Dean was jerking off in the shower, pumping himself up and down, moaning softly under the fall of the cascading water. He was building, the sensation beginning in his balls when suddenly an image of Sam flashed through his mind. He moaned a little louder, thrusting into his hand a bit harder before he froze. He released his dick quickly, turning the water onto freezing. His breathing was heavy and a bit erratic. He stood under the water, afraid to touch himself. Afraid to think.

Friday arrived, the day Sam would go on his first date. He had to meet her at the movies in about an hour, but in the meantime, he was pacing through the room. Dean lay on the bed, flipping through a nudey magazine he swiped from the convenience store down the street.

“Sam, you’re wearing the rug down” Dean muttered watching his little brother destroy the carpet.

“I can’t help it Dean, I’m nervous.” Sam stated, giving his brother a wounded puppy look.

“What are you so nervous about?” Dean asked, throwing his magazine to the side. “You talk to her like you do in school, watch the movie, go home.”

Sam looked at Dean, suddenly feeling very awkward. He was planning on kissing her, that’s why he was so nervous. He wasn’t even sure that he wanted to, it just felt like something he should do. Deep down, he knew this was to try to prove to himself that he liked girls, or at least was turned on by something other than his older brother. It’s not like he got an instant boner with Dean around. He didn’t get butterflies or anything, and still viewed him as a brother. But when he jerked off, it wasn’t girls in his class he was thinking about.

“And the good night kiss” Sam mumbled.

Dean felt the back of his neck tingle, _oh_.

“Well uh- Sam, that’s not…you don’t have to kiss her.” Dean prompted, suddenly hoping Sam wouldn’t even touch her.

“Dean, you don’t understand” Sam said, his face getting unbearably hot. He sighed and told Dean the truth, “I want to have my first kiss okay? I’m on the old half of fifteen and I’ve never kissed anyone.” He sat down on the motel couch, burying his head in his hands. Dean was at a loss for words, but he stood up and went over to sit next to his brother on the couch.

He cleared his throat, feeling very self-conscious and awkward, “Sam, is that what all this has been about?” Sam just looked at Dean, not wanting to say anything. “You know it’s not a race. Sam I know I am the last person who should say this, but, it should be with someone special.”

“But Dean-“

“Sam I know. I haven’t been the best role model, and I can’t even remember who my first kiss was with. I just want what’s best for you.”

Sam smiled at his brother, “I know that, but this is something I really want. For personal reasons Dean, I really need to kiss this girl. And I’m…scared.”

“What are you so scared about? It’s just your mouth on hers.”

Sam just groaned, “Yeah but. When do I kiss her? How long does it last? Will she know if it’s my first, because I know it’s not hers.” Sam’s stomach was churning and he felt absolutely sea sick.

‘I- Sammy,” Dean was treading unfamiliar waters, what the hell could he tell this kid? He hated these conversations, but he hated seeing his baby brother upset. “I could give you some pointers. You know, show you the ropes?” Dean suggested, suddenly feeling very light headed.

Sam looked up at his brother, eyes full of relief. “Oh my God Dean, thank you.”

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to relieve the funny feeling he had. “Okay, well, the best thing to do is give her a good night kiss, at the end of the date. If you wait till then she will go all night wondering when and if it’s going to happen, which will build up her excitement.” Sam nodded his head along with Dean’s explanation, taking in every word.

Dean didn’t know what he was doing, but his hands were moving. Shit he was touching Sam’s neck. “And then you put your hand here, before sliding it up to cup her face” and Sam simply nodded, leaning into to Dean’s caress on his cheek. “And then you put your hand on her waist, like this.” What is going on? This is wrong, so very, very wrong.

“And then?” Sam whispers, his face turning bright pink. Dean licked his lips, his heart fluttering rapidly, hammering against his rib cage.

“And then you look into her eyes for a few seconds” he said, barely audible. Sam’s hazel puppy eyes looked into Dean’s bright green. Dean studied his brother, locking in on his pink lips, never touched.

“Yes?” Sam mouthed, no sound even coming out. He was inches away from his brother. He didn’t know what was happening, but he knew he needed it. He needed to feel this, to have Dean touch him. Dean leaned in, his lips ghosting against his little brother’s. He couldn’t stop this feeling, he needed it. He suddenly needed to know what Sam’s lips felt like on his.

But he didn’t kiss him. Dean sighed, pulling away. He cleared his throat, his voice haggard, “And that’s how you do it, Sammy.” Sam felt his heart drop, unsure of what to respond with.

“I should get going” Sam whispered, trying to convince himself more than Dean. He rushed out of the motel, leaving Dean alone on the couch.

What the Hell almost happened? Not only was Dean about to kiss a dude, but his little brother! And what scared him the most, what made him get up and pace the apartment till his legs were sore: he wanted to. With all his heart he wanted to feel Sam’s lips against his. Dean was wrecked, he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to think about it, but couldn’t escape it. He got so upset he punched a hole in the wall, bloodying and bruising his knuckles. He loved Sam; truly loved him with his entire essence. He had cared for Sam since day one and would do everything in his power to protect him. But now there were new feelings, feelings that made his stomach hurt and his skin tingle and his heart fly.

Was it that weird? Sam wasn’t a child anymore. He was a very handsome young man, mature, and Dean knew him better than anyone. Was it that surprising that something like this would happen?  Their whole lives were centered on weird and unconventional. Centered on things that normal people couldn’t hope to understand. Why should their relationship be any different?

But what would his father think? Dean felt the bile rise in his throat and he had to sprint to the bathroom before vomiting. He would never tell his father. His whole life was spent trying to be just like him. Trying to prove that he was worthy, that he was a good son. Something like this would completely destroy all of that, the foundation that Dean had been trying to build since age four would come crumbling down around him. Utter desolation. And yet, Dean thought back to Sam as he brushed the disgusting taste out of his mouth. Sam was worth anything. More than his Dad, more than a normal life. And now he blew it. He should have kissed him.


	7. I Can't Fight This Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally kiss

Dean was sitting at the kitchen table, picking at a piece of pie. This was bad, he couldn’t even finish one piece of cherry pie! He heard the door shake as a key was pushed into the slot. His heart leapt up in his throat, and he tried not to let it show on his face. He didn’t even know what he felt, excitement, relief, fear? Dean tried to push that thought away. He hated being scared, he needed to be brave, especially for Sam. Sam entered in the door, shutting it slowly behind him. The younger Winchester felt nervous, unsure of what he would do, but he had an idea, and he felt exhilarated.

“So, Sammy” Dean said, breaking the silence, “how did it go?” He tried to act as if nothing had happened two hours ago.

“It went well” Sam said softly, pulling up a kitchen chair next to Dean. “The movie was good and she was fun to talk to.” Dean felt his heart drop slightly, Sam had a good time. Maybe what happened earlier was a fluke, or that connection he felt was all in his mind. Is this what devastation felt like?

“And?” Dean prompted, forcing his emotions down. He asked as if he was hoping Sam had kissed her.

“And I walked her home and left.” Sam stated simply. His skin tingled, anticipating what his next move would be.

Dean’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, “But, what about the-“

“Dean you were right. It should be with someone special,” Sam got up and bravely grabbed Dean by the shirt, to lift him on his feet. The brothers were nearly the same height. “And there is no one more special to me than…you” he whispered, daring to look up into Dean’s enchanting green eyes.

                “Oh yeah?” Dean whispered, afraid to move a muscle. Sam didn’t say anything, but he shakily brought his hand up to Dean’s face, feeling his smooth skin. His other hand wrapped around his older brother’s waist, trembling with aching fear and excitement. He looked into Dean’s eyes, seeing hope in them, and a soft protective gaze. And love. He saw love and instantly, he wasn’t afraid. He gently pressed his lips to his brothers, softly meeting his mouth. Sam’s breath hitched, and he felt his whole body respond, every nerve buzzing and on edge. He felt his knees weaken, but he managed to hold himself still. He would never live with himself if he ruined this moment by falling over.

                He carefully broke the kiss, and his thumb stroked his older brother’s face. “Sammy” Dean whispered before grabbing his brother’s body and pulling it flush against his. He kissed Sam, a bit more forcefully, but Sam went with it. Dean’s lips carefully crafted into his brother’s, fitting perfectly like he knew they would. Sam wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck, the butterflies in his stomach circling like a cyclone. He moaned softly against Dean, allowing his brother to gently slip his tongue in. He reveled in the way his brother’s mouth tasted, warm and inviting, like home. He licked Sam’s lower lip, before pausing with his lips touching Sam’s. They just stood there for what seemed like hours, skin to skin, exchanging breaths as their lips gently moved along each other. Not quite kissing, but feeling. Reassuring each other that this was real, that they weren’t going anywhere.

                “Dean?’ Sam asked. Dean shushed him with a small chaste kiss. He couldn’t question this. Not tonight; tonight was about him and Sam. He would think about it tomorrow, he had to. He grabbed Sam’s wrist and they both went to the motel bed. Sam crawled in with Dean laying down next to him. Sam snuggled up against Dean’s chest like they did when he was a kid with nightmares. Dean gently stroked Sam’s hair, closing his eyes. They didn’t say anything else, and they didn’t need to. No matter what logic said no matter how wrong it seemed. This was right.


	8. Enter Sandman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleeping arrangements get a bit complicated (depending on who's watching).

When the Winchesters woke up in the morning, neither one said a word. Each was afraid that the other would come to their senses. Afraid that one of them would realize that this was a bad idea, that this was completely fucked up. Sam looked into Dean’s eyes, searching for a clue to how his older brother felt. Dean gazed back, entranced by Sam’s innocent look, but knowing he was no longer looking at a child. They stayed like this for an hour, each brother trying to gage the other. They were stalling, trying to fight off the growing eminence of reality. A thing that could shatter their little world to pieces at any given moment.

                Sam broke the stillness, daring to nuzzle closer into Dean, giving a small kiss to his strong jaw. Dean released a breath he didn’t know he was holding, all tension subsiding. He gave Sam a warm kiss on the lips, soft and clean, but still meaningful.

“Dude, your morning breath...”

“Shut up jerk” Sam snapped playfully, rolling his eyes at his brother.

“Bitch” Dean laughs lovingly before giving Sam a little nip on his nose. Sam rolled over, getting out of bed. He stretched a bit as Dean watched, noticing Sam’s developing muscle under his shirt. Sam looked back at Dean, blushing slightly at the realization that he was being watched.

“What?” he questions, suddenly self-conscious.

“Nothing Sam, nothing at all.” Dean grins, closing his eyes for a few more minutes of sleep.

                Sam and Dean continued sleeping in the same bed, enjoying the safety they felt. When their father came back from a hunt, they were forced to sleep in separate beds. Sam noticed that he did not sleep well at all, missing the warmth of Dean’s body. He missed the way Dean’s arms would form a barrier between him and the rest of the world. He missed the way that Dean’s erection would brush against him, sometimes against his crotch, sometimes in the curve of his ass. Sam’s nightmares would even return when he couldn’t sleep with Dean.

                Dean hated sleeping without Sam, he tossed and turned all night, which would disturb John. He missed running his fingers through Sam’s hair. Hell, he even missed how gassy the kid could get. He was anxious, feeling that he was unable to protect Sam from a different bed. He would wake up numerous times, peering through the darkness to try to make sure that his brother was okay. Sometimes he would see that Sam was having a nightmare on the couch, but fought the urge to rush over and kiss his tears away. He hated hiding things from his dad, but there was no way in Hell he would risk his father finding this out.

                Every time their father left for another hunt Sam and Dean would spend an entire evening just holding each other, kissing each other the way they wanted to. This went on for a good two years, their intimacy increasing. Their physical relationship progressed surprisingly slow, and Sam expected it was because Dean felt guilty. He was older than Sam and felt as though he was stealing away Sam’s innocence. Sam didn’t want to push the issue, because any contact with Dean made him feel invincible. He always knew that he and Dean would get their someday, they would go all the way.


	9. You Shook Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you were waiting for a bit of smut, here it is ;)

When they first started kissing, it quickly progressed into make out sessions, complete with shirtless rubbing. Sam thought he would nearly combust the first time they made out only in their boxers. The feel of Dean’s dick rubbing next to his, causing a delicious friction. He almost came just from that. He did everything in his power to prevent it though, because he knew Dean would tease him about it for the rest of his natural life. He loved the feel of Dean’s body sliding up his from the sweat of their passion. He reveled in the way Dean’s abs felt under his long fingers as he traced the grooves. He loved the way Dean’s skin would break out in goose flesh at Sam’s touch.

                Dean knew how to turn Sam on too. He would kiss Sam’s pink nipples, teasing them with his tongue until the younger boy would be moaning loudly, tossing his head about on the pillow. Sam also liked his lips to be bitten, and Dean would love the way Sam would whine when Dean drug out his bottom lip with his teeth. Sam liked it a little rough, and Dean was more than willing to give him what he wanted. Dean liked it to be slow and sensual, and Sam would worshipfully touch Dean, making every caress count.

                But whenever Sam tried to slip his hand on Dean’s dick, his brother would push it away, telling him that they should slow it down. Sam knew it was because Dean felt bad, but he was a teenager and had certain needs. But on Sam’s seventeenth birthday, Dean gave Sam the best gift ever.

“Rise and shine, Sammy!” Dean called from the kitchen. Sam rolled over, grumbling at Dean’s cheeriness.

“Dean, it’s too fucking early for this shit.” Sam snapped, slamming his face into the pillow. Dean went over to the bed and slapped Sam’s ass with a newspaper, causing the boy to yelp.

“Sam. It’s your birthday, don’t be a little shit” Dean teased. “And for the love of God, take a shower or I won’t give you your present.” Sam begrudgingly got out of bed, stumbling towards the bathroom. He stood at the mirror, brushing his teeth as the shower water got warmer. He made sure to get all the parts of his mouth, the back of his teeth, and his tongue. He was gonna shoot something if Dean teased him about his morning breath one more time. Once he was done making himself minty fresh, he stripped out of his clothes till he was left naked, shivering at the cold air of the bathroom. He hopped in the shower, feeling the drops cascade down his front, soothing his muscles and effectively waking him up from his daze. And that’s not all that woke up; his morning wood made a guest appearance in the shower. But before he can do anything about it, he hears the curtain open behind him. He turns around, nearly slipping on the wet ceramic.

“Dean! What the-“and he stops, noticing that his brother is entirely, gloriously butt naked. At twenty one, Dean was easily the most handsome young man Sam had ever seen.

“Hey Sammy, I needed a shower too and figured we could share.” He said, as if it was something they did every day. Sam was at a loss for words, his eyes focusing on Dean’s nakedness. He studied Dean’s taunt thighs before traveling to Dean’s cock. It was thick and already hard, the head bright red and ready for anything. “Sam?” Dean questioned, waving a hand in front of the younger Winchester’s face. Sam blinked, forcing himself to look away from Dean’s body. He backed up slightly, allowing his brother to get in the shower. The water was hitting Sam’s back, effectively drenching his body and hair. He looked into Dean’s eyes, seeing the green irises were rapidly disappearing as his pupils dilated from lust.

                Dean looked his brother up and down, noticing how the water drops ran down the lines of his arm and shoulder muscles. He licked his lips before grabbing some soap, and he lathered it up in his hands. Sam stood still as he watched Dean bring his hands up. Dean spread them across Sam’s chest, sudsing up his brother’s pecs. He thumbed at one of the nipples, teasing it till it was hard. Dean’s hands traveled up to Sam’s broad shoulders, massaging and kneading.   
“Oh shit Dean” Sam moaned softly. “Ooo that feels really good.” Dean smiled, knowing that Sam carried tension in his shoulders like he did.

“You know what’s good about sharing a shower, Sam? I can help you get those hard to reach places.” Dean whispered seductively. He brought his hands around to cups Sam’s ass, pushing his brother’s torso forward. Sam felt his dick slide against Dean’s, wet with suds falling from his chest. Dean moaned in Sam’s ear as he grinded against his little brother. He raked his nails up Sam’s back as he bit the younger one’s bottom lip. Sam emitted a whine as Dean drug it out, pulling it slowly.

                Dean fisted his hand into Sam’s wet mess of hair and captured his tongue, sucking on it mercilessly. He pushed both him and Sam under the direct fall of water, moisture streaming down their faces and mingling in between their lips and hot breaths. Sam let his hand travel down Dean’s stomach, fingering at his groin muscles before he tentatively grabbed Dean’s dick. To his surprise his brother didn’t swat his hand away, he simply smiled as he kissed Sam’s cheek. Sam let his thumb skate across the head, teasing it as he rubbed against the slit. Dean hissed and he buried his head at the base of Sam’s neck. As Sam began to pump, Dean left hickies along Sam’s neck and clavicle, biting and sucking violently. Sam moaned, his cock twitching at the sensation. He continued to pump, and Dean couldn’t keep his hips from thrusting into Sam’s palm, trying to make more contact.

“Oh shit Sam” Dean praised, “feels so damn good, but you have to stop.” Sam looked at his brother, pleading for an explanation. “It’s your birthday Sam, and it’s time I give you your present.” Dean dropped to his knees, grabbing his brother’s ass with his hands. Sam’s eyes widened as he realized what was about to happen, and his knees suddenly felt weak. Dean gave a long lick to the underside of the shaft, applying as much pressure as he could. Sam had to lean against the wall, trying not to fall over. Dean put just the tip in his mouth, playfully tonguing the head before dipping into Sam’s slit.

“Oh god Dean” he moaned, closing his eyes from the sheer sensation. Without warning Dean lunged on Sam’s cock, taking the entire thing in his mouth. “Deeeeaaaann” Sam moaned, his voice hitching. Dean gagged slightly, but recovered quickly. He began to hollow out his cheeks, tightening his hold on Sam’s cock. He then bobbed up and down, letting it slide as he curled his lips around it. Sam had never felt anything like this before, he felt dizzy and hot, and utterly wrecked. Shit, he was not going to last long.

“Ahh, Dean I- shit –close” Sam muttered, his hips beginning to jerk out of rhythm. It was building fast, starting from his balls and through his muscles, scorching everything in his path. He came hot and quick, filling up Dean’s mouth. Dean swallowed most of it, some dribbling out of his mouth and setting across his pouty bottom lip. He stood up to meet Sam, who licked the rest off of his brother’s lip, slow and seductive. Dean noticed Sam’s legs shaking and his erratic breathing.

“Hey baby, you okay?”

Sam just started giggling, endorphins rushing through him. He was lightheaded.

“That was the first time I’ve cum… without jerking off” Sam said amazed. “And it was with you” he said quietly, a shy smile playing at his lips. He wrapped his arms around his big brother, kissing him deeply.

“Thank you, Dean.”

“Happy Birthday Sam” Dean whispered as he held his brother under the warm comforting water.


	10. Should I Stay or Should I Go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam gets his acceptance letter to Stanford, and his family is not happy.

Sam got the letter on his eighteenth birthday. The acceptance letter to Stanford University, with a full ride scholarship.  This should have been a happy day, one of the happiest of his life. But it was met with shouting, hurt feelings, and a decision that would change his life.

“Dean!” Sam yelled as he opened the letter on the couch. Dean looked up from his lunch at the kitchen table.

“What?”

“I got into Stanford.”

“What, like the college? Cool, always knew you were smart though, you didn’t have to prove it by applying.” Dean stated as he took a swig of his beer. Sam looked to Dean in confusion, his hazel eyes narrowing.

“I’m not proving anything. I’m going.”

Dean’s face fell, his jaw setting. “What?” he whispered dangerously.

“Dean, did you expect me to skip out on college? C’mon-“

“No Sam. I expected you to stay with us. You know, hunting.” He says seriously, forgetting about the food on his plate. Sam stood up and walked over to him.

“What, spend the rest of my life hunting with Dad? Dean I can’t fucking stand him and you know it.”

“What about me?” Dean snaps, his voice rising a bit.

“Fuck, Dean, I don’t even see you anymore. You go on almost every hunt with Dad now! What do you want me to do? Just tag along with the two of you, doing research the rest of my life?”

“I want you to realize that this is the way you were raised, and now your just gonna leave all that behind?”

“Dean, my entire life I’ve traveled around. Never belonging anywhere, feeling like a freak. Stanford gets me away from that. From the constant ghosts, monsters, identity fraud, our dad-“

“Me” Dean states, his voice nearing a growl.

“I didn’t say that” Sam snapped, his nose crinkling in anger.

“But you thought it, I know you did. You’re tired of me and dad. What, we aren’t good enough for you cuz we only got GEDs? Maybe if you actually listened to him every once in a while.”

“Dean, he’s a horrible father and you know it!” Dean was up out of his chair before Sam could register what was going on. He punched Sam across the jaw, hitting his lip and causing it to bleed. Sam, went to the ground, taking a chair with him. Dean had small tears threatening in his emerald eyes, but Sam could only feel resentment for his big brother.

“Dammit Sam, you don’t just walk out on family.” Dean whispered, his voice sounding like it would break. Sam wiped the blood from his lip, saying nothing as he walked out of the motel room, slamming the door behind him. Dean hit a lamp in rage, sending it crashing into the wall.

The talk Sam had with his Dad about Stanford did not go well at all. He fought for hours with his Dad, yelling and shouting, but in the end no one was happy. Sam was still going, and his family didn’t support him. He didn’t care about his dad’s opinion, Hell that was part of the reason he was leaving. But Dean? He wanted his brother’s approval more than anything in the world, but he knew he wasn’t going to get it. It was a long two months before he left for Stanford. Long because he was alone for most of it, but when Dean and his dad came back from a hunt, any conversation was stiff, laced in agitation and tension. On his last day with the other Winchester’s, Dean saw him out to his car.

“Stay safe” Dean muttered as Sam packed in his last bag.

“You too” Sam responded, feeling awkward.

“I guess, uh, I guess we’ll call you every once in a while. You know, make sure you’re still breathing.

“Thanks Dean” Sam whispered, scared to say much of anything else.

“It was supposed to be you and me remember?”  Dean said, barely concealing the hurt in his voice. Sam couldn’t look Dean in the eyes, he was mad at him. Mad that he would try to stop him from this. But Dean was mad too. Mad that his brother couldn’t see that he was a hunter. But mostly that his brother could walk away from it all, and he couldn’t.

Sam gave Dean a hug, not saying a word, when he pulled back, his eyes locked with his older brother. His heart clenched, but he tried to ignore it. Dean noticed their faces were close, too close. He could smell Sam’s breath, and his sweet scent. Dean leaned in carefully, his lips almost tracing his brother’s. They were frozen like this, unable to make themselves touch, unable to turn away. They were at a cross roads that would change the relationship they had, maybe forever.

Sam’s mind raced. He knew if he kissed those lips, he would never leave. He would be stuck there for the rest of his life, and he was scared.

“I better get going” he whispered. And without another word he walked away from Dean. He got in his car and peeled out of the parking lot, refusing to look in his rearview till he was in the next state.


	11. Carry On My Wayward Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four years have passed, and Sam is back to join the hunt. Will Sam and Dean pick up with the physical part of their relationship?  
> Spoiler (they finally have sex)

_Four Years Later_

Sam Winchester never expected this, not in a million years. He was officially a hunter, for life. He had been on the road with Dean for the past three months. He stared out of the Impala’s passenger window, mindlessly watching the trees blur by. Too much had happened. Jess was dead, his father was missing, he will never be a law student, and his life had been uprooted like it had been so many times in his youth. And yet, he couldn’t feel hopeless. He didn’t fall into desolation or despair. Why? He looked over at his big brother, a man now, like him. It was confusing and foreign, but for some reason natural. He hadn’t seen Dean in years. Their once inseparable bond now consisted of a phone call every few months, lasting about five minutes. And now here he is, spending every minute with him, sleeping in shitty motel rooms, listening to the same music over and over, eating the same shitty foods. But it was home. Dean was always home, and he realized he would always end up here. Right by his big brother’s side.

When Sam had last seen Dean, the older Winchester was twenty two. At twenty six Dean was fully muscled, built like a man. He already had the beginning of lines in his face, due to stress of the job and the weight of the world. Sam was captivated by him still, just like when he was a teenager. He immediately thought of all the nights they shared, kissing, touching…he wondered if that was gone forever. If it all ended when he walked out. But he thought back to how happy he had been with Dean, and thought maybe, just maybe, he should try again. Because Dean? Dean was worth it.

Dean stole a glance at his brother, unable to keep his eyes off of him for long. He was worried he was imagining things; that any moment his brother would vanish, as if he was just a figment of his imagination, a hallucination. Sam had grown up, and Dean’s heart clenched, a bad taste filled his mouth. He had been there for every event in Sam’s life; except this. He missed his baby brother turning into a man. But it was still Sam, with his hair too long and his puppy dog eyes. He was still so damn sarcastic, and gassy as hell on road trips. It was weird to him how quickly they fell back to being brothers. The prank wars, the teasing, the constantly watching Sam’s back during a fight. He instantly felt protective, and he noticed Sam still looked to him when in a pinch. He smiled slightly to himself, hoping perhaps, nothing had changed at all. Maybe they could pick up where they left off? Oh yes, that’s what was missing. The physical intimacy, something that used to be so fundamental to their relationship.

They pulled up to the motel, somewhere in the middle of Nebraska. Sam followed Dean into the room, holding their dinner they picked up from some burger joint down the road. They set all their stuff down, picking beds and unpacking useful weapons and books.

“Jesus Sam, unpack later, I’m starving.”

“You can start without me” Sam called.

Dean pretended to have a knife in his heart, “Oh Sammy, that hurt. You don’t want to have family dinner with me?”   
“Not after today” Sam grumbled.

Dean laughed, fighting the grin on his face, “C’mon, what’s a little itching powder between brothers?”

Sam fought back a smile, secretly enjoying the pranks and the teasing with his brother; it felt like old times. He came over to the table, unwrapping his burger, as Dean stuffed fries in his face.

“Call me crazy,” Sam began, “but there’s something familiar about this food. I don’t know if it’s the to-go bags or the taste-“

“Well it should be. This is what we ate for dinner on your 17th birthday” Dean stated, as if his brother should remember. Sam’s head snapped to his brother, eyes incredulous.

“You remember that?” Sam asked, his heart fluttering. That was _the_ birthday; the shower birthday.

Dean cleared his throat, his cheeks feeling a bit too hot. “Well, yeah don’t you?”

“Yeah, I miss those times.” Sam bravely said, staring into his brother’s enticing green eyes.

Dean froze, his breath refusing to come into his lungs. “Me too, Sammy. All of it.”

Electric energy filled the air, the motel becoming hot and stuffy, charged in anticipation. Sam’s hazel eyes dilated as Dean bit down on his bottom lip. Was this about to happen? After four and a half long years, was it time to continue this insane, confusing, yet perfect intimacy?

                Dean was the first to move, up like a flash he pounced on his little brother, tangling his fingers into his long brown hair. Sam quickly stood, now towering over his older brother. Their lips met, fiery and passionate, years of pain, and loneliness, and need pouring out of them. Dean swiped the food on the table to the floor before pushing Sam onto the table. Dean crawled over the younger man, ass in the air. He leaned in to kiss Sam again, greedily pushing in his tongue, taking over every part of his brother’s mouth. Sam moaned loudly, purely carnal. He grabbed Dean’s ass, groping and rubbing worshipfully. He captured the older Winchester’s bottom lip, mercilessly biting and sucking till it was swollen. Dean grinded his growing erection against Sam’s crotch, rocking his brother and the table. He bit Sam’s throat, sucking until he left his claiming mark. Sam tossed his head back, reveling in the feel of his brother’s teeth raking along his sensitive skin. His hips involuntarily bucked up into Dean. They continued to grind against each other till they were rocking the table, and all of the sudden they both went crashing to the floor, the table breaking around them.

Both the brothers lay on their backs on the kitchen floor before breaking out into hysterical laughter. Sam rolled on his side, sliding his hand under Dean’s shirt, feeling his muscles.

“Holy fuck” Sam breathed in between laughs. Dean had tears in his eyes, and his ribs began to hurt.

“I think we were both a lot lighter when we tried that last” Dean gasped, his face turning blue from lack of oxygen. He cupped his brother’s face, stroking his cheek fondly. “Let’s try the bed” he suggested, his bubbling laughter finally subsiding. Sam nodded his head, trying to stand up, his erection chaffing uncomfortably in his jeans. Dean sat up and watched his brother walk towards the bed. Sam slightly moved his hips as he walked, peeling off articles of clothing, exposing his amazing back muscles. Dean licked his lips hungrily as Sam stepped out of his pants and underwear, giving a full view of his round ass.

“Glad to know that hasn’t changed” Dean muttered appreciatively to himself. He stood up to follow Sam who was now laying naked on the bed, his cock erect and huge. Like massive; Dean knew it didn’t used to be that big. “Holy fuck” he gasped. “I missed you Sammy.”

Sam seductively stroked his cock, inviting Dean, “prove it” he challenged.

Dean quickly threw off his jacket and shirt, dragging down his jeans and boxers till he stood naked in front of the younger Winchester. Now was Sam’s turn to stare, Dean was muscular and tall with strong legs. Sam narrowed in on his thick cock, getting shivers all over his body. Dean hopped on the bed, before getting flipped over by Sam who was now straddling him. Sam leaned in to kiss his brother on the lips before going along his jaw, trailing to his nipples. He sucked lightly, teasing them until they became hard. Dean grinded against Sam, moaning softly. Sam traced his tongue over the grooves in Dean’s stomach, traveling all the way down to his groin. He got in between his brother’s legs, dipping his head down to kiss the head of Dean’s cock. He licked up Dean’s inner thigh before lightly tonguing at his balls.

“Oh god Sammy, so sexy.”

Sam smiled before licking up Dean’s shaft, getting his entire member wet and slick. He began to hollow out his cheeks while bobbing his head, adding immense pressure to the hunter’s hard-on. He gripped the base with his long fingers, twirling his wrists as he pumped in time with his mouth. Dean bucked up into Sam’s mouth hitting the back of his throat. It caught Sam off guard but he kept going till he was able to deep throat Dean’s cock. Dean tugged at Sam’s hair, gripping on for dear life. He guided Sam’s head over his dick as Sam gripped his waist, leaving bruising crescents from his nails.

“Shit, stop. I don’t wanna cum yet” Dean blurted out, feeling he was about to lose himself. Sam popped off, breathing heavily as spit trailed out of his mouth and down his jaw. Dean shakily hooped off the bed, rummaging through his bag for something. Sam flopped down on his back, palming at his painfully hard erection. Dean returned quickly, bottle of lube in hand.   
“I figured it was about time we tried this.” Dean said quietly, blushing at the thought of finally having sex with Sam.

Sam nodded rapidly, his eyes desperate. Sam began to roll over but Dean but a hand to his chiseled stomach, stopping him. “I think we should see each other” Dean whispered. Sam smiled up at his brother and settled on his back. Dean began to lube up his fingers and Sam’s entrance, spreading it around the rim. He slowly inserted his index finger, gradually stretching Sam. The sensation was foreign, but it sent tingles through the younger Winchester’s entire body.

“Oh Dean, yes. More!” Dean complied slipping in a second finger, curling it inside Sam till he was writhing on the bed. He put in a third and continued to move till he was absolutely sure his brother was prepared enough. He rubbed the lube up and down his dick, making sure he was slick. He lined up with Sam’s entrance, waiting for Sam’s permission.

“I’m ready Dean. I’ve been ready for six years.” And Dean pushed slowly into his brother, stretching him fully. Sam whined, a bit in pain, but mostly in deep carnal pleasure.

“Fuck Sammy, so tight. Feels good to be inside you” Dean moaned, pushing in again slowly.

“Oh god Dean” Sam whimpered, grabbing at the sheets. “A little faster.”  Dean set about at a rhythm, medium paced but even. “Yes! Yes! That’s so fucking hot.”

Dean moaned, loving the way his little brother looked. Sweat was beading his face, and he was biting his lip to keep from being too loud. “God Sammy, you do things to me” Dean muttered, his breathing a bit shaky. He thrusted a little harder, till he nailed Sam’s prostate, causing the younger Winchester to yelp in surprise.

“Fuck! Again!”

Dean thrusted in far, nailing it again. This time he stayed in, balls deep and began to circle his hips. Sam’s pelvis jerked upwards at the sensation and his legs squeezed tighter against Dean’s torso. The brother’s fit perfectly together, like they were made to do this. In these moments they felt what they always knew to be true: it was them against the world.

“Fuucck Dean! So close.”

“I know, I know” Dean responded soothingly. They were both nearing the edge, every sense tingling with anticipation of the upcoming orgasm. Sam suddenly clenched around Dean as his hips bucked erratically. Dean groaned at the added pressure, feeling an intense heat pool deliciously in his abdomen.

“Cum for me, Sam” And Sam completely shattered, everything in his body seemed to fly. Dean followed quickly, releasing hotly into Sam, his body trembling from the pure intensity of it all.

The effects of four years of absence from each other came pouring out of the brothers with their release. And as Dean fell on top of Sam, the both of them desperately clinging to each other, hot and sticky, they knew they were home. The rest was a daze, both of them so exhausted that sleep fell immediately, and they didn’t stir until the next morning.

Sam woke up in Dean’s arms, his head nesting under Dean’s strong jaw. Dean’s hands were on his ass while Sam’s were spread across Dean’s back. Their legs were intertwined, warm and sweaty. He listened to Dean’s heartbeat, enjoying how much it seemed to comfort him. The older man stirred and gave a quick kiss to Sam, warm and slow, lazily letting his tongue slide around.

“Dude, I forgot about your morning breath.” Sam just rolled his eyes.

“Don’t lie Dean, I know you missed it.”

“Damn right I did” Dean responded, completely serious.

“So what now” Sam asked quietly.

Dean was silent, contemplating his answer. There dad was still missing, the life ahead of them was going to be rough and dangerous. His relationship with his brother was unorthodox. But he still had hope. Because at the end of the day, he had Sam. It was the two of them against the world, and with his brother at his side, he felt safe and confident. At the end of the day, they always came home.

“I don’t know. But I know it’s gonna be ok.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> As always I take requests and prompts. Reader insert and SPN ships :)


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